Hair Colors and Paper Fans
by PaperCutVictim
Summary: A conversation of sorts between the two Jupiter Adepts, that just so happens to go awry. CRACK, not to be taken seriously. Rated T just to be on the safe side.


This, in addition to being just a cracktastic idea that hit me one day, was written while I was fairly tired. But anyway, part of what drove me to end up writing it was because I had wanted to do a piece that was pretty much just entirely dialogue, yet still maintain a bit of humor. Well, that was a small part. A bigger part was I personally liked how I ended up writing Sheba, even if it is crack-y. It made me chuckle while writing it (but then, a lotta things are funny to me even when I'm _not_ tired…), so here it is. I'm hoping that you guys will have as much fun with it as I did!

DISCLAIMER: It'd be nice to own Golden Sun. Alas, I do not.

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"Say, Ivan."

"Huh? What's up, Sheba?"

"Been meaning to ask, but don't you think Isaac stares at Mia an awful lot?"

"Er, well… They're dating, right? Isn't that normal?"

"I guess, but that wasn't quite what I meant. You ever followed his eyes when he does that?"

"…I'm not sure about you, but I don't really get off on watching my friends undress their significant others with their eyes…"

_SMACK!_

"Ow!"

"It's not like I watch him do _that_. Geez, who do you take me for?"

"Sorry… Ow… Where did you even get that fan…?"

"Don't worry about the little details."

"Actually, in this case, it might be best for me to- OUCH!"

"Hm, now that I think about it, he likes looking at her hair."

"……"

"……"

"…Hey, you're right! He does!"

"Yeah, he does! But I wonder… I wonder why that is?"

"Well, you gotta admit, Mia has some really nice hair. It's long, and silky, and shiny… Of course that's only the least of her… charms… Mmm…"

"Ivan, you're drooling."

"Wuh? Oh, crap!"

"Real classy. Though… hm, you might be onto something. Maybe he's got a ponytail fetish? She does always have her hair up in a ponytail."

"It could be. Isaac usually likes watching her put it up in a ponytail. And I know I saw him ogling that Feizhi chick that one time over at Xian…

"So… Ponytail fetish, huh… Well, that explains enough for me."

"Umm… Sheba, you already have Felix, don't you? Well, it's mostly you just harassing him-"

"What? I like flirting with him, how is that harassment?"

"Sheba, I don't think offering a view of your panties on purpose necessarily falls under the category of flirt- OW!"

"Stop being so stuffy. Geez."

"Man… you're really trigger happy with that fan… But anyway, you pretty much have Felix, can't you just settle for that?"

"But Isaac's cute too! He'd make a fine addition to my collection!"

"C-C-C-Collection…?"

"Yeah, I think I've kinda got a thing for Venus Adepts. And I see nothing wrong with having my own little harem of Venus Adepts, do you?"

"There's just so many things wrong with that statement…"

"Huh?"

"Ugh, never mind that for now! More importantly, he's already Mia's!"

"I'm sure she can share. It's all for a good cause, after all."

"……"

"And it'd be a shame for such a shy young thing like her to be keeping such fresh meat all to herself. Why, she wouldn't know what to do with him…"

"I think you've forgotten that you're younger than she is… OW!"

"Gosh, do you ever stop worrying about the little details? Anyway, now that I think about it, it can't be a ponytail fetish. He's fascinated with Mia's hair even when it's down. And besides, Jenna's got a ponytail too, but he doesn't look much at her hair."

"Probably because he's too busy checking out her ass."

"Ooh, I guess Isaac's got a naughty side… Hehe, well, I suppose it's natural, he's a healthy young man after all…"

"…You really shouldn't grin like that. It makes you look like a dirty old man. Anyway, I think it might be the hair color instead."

"You think?"

"Maybe. Mia and Feizhi both have blue-ish hair. Well, Feizhi's is kinda purple-y, but that's beside the point."

"A blue hair fetish then, perhaps?"

"I guess. I mean, he did seem pretty fascinated by Mia's hair right from the moment we all met… Actually, yeah, it very well could be!"

"Huh… Yeah… Yeah! Yeah, it could be! And it would explain so many things!"

"Like the way he stared at Piers!"

"……"

"And Alex!"

"………"

"And Saturos and Agatio!"

"Wait, wait, stop."

"…What?"

"At Piers and Alex, fine, they both look pretty femme-y from behind… I guess… I'm still not convinced Alex wasn't actually Mia's evil twin sister, but I guess it's too late to ask… But… at Saturos? At AGATIO?"

"Well, I may have imagined the last two."

"……"

"……"

_SMACK!_

"OW! Son of a-!"

"Sigh, anyway. But… this does… hm… wait… perhaps…. Perhaps his blue hair fetish goes both ways…? Perhaps… He's BI?!"

"…Well, that might explain some more things…"

"Isaac's bi, huh… Ooh… Hm… Maybe… Hm… Oh wow…"

"Uhh… Sheba, you're getting that look in your eyes again…"

"Bi… Perhaps… Ooh… I like that… Felix and Isaac, huh…?"

"Umm… Sheba…? Weyard to Sheba, hello…?"

"Yeah… Felix as the top… Isaac as the bottom…"

"Sheba, your drool is overflowing… Oh, Jupiter have mercy…"

"Candles… Black leather… Handcuffs… Whips, can't forget the whips…"

"…Wow. Just.. Wow. This is getting disturbing. What's next, pretend it's an incestuous yaoi relationship?"

"……"

"Sheba...? Your eyes just glazed over… Sheba?"

"Ahaha… I… I can see it now… 'Stop struggling, little brother…' Yeah… Good ring to it…"

"……"

"And then Isaac goes, 'F-F-Felix… it hurts… Please…'"

"Isaac must be one hell of a bottom… Gods below, why am I still listening to this?!"

"Then Felix goes, 'Shh, just bare with it for a bit longer…'"

"Are you brainstorming some cheesy two coin soft-core porn novel?!"

"And that's when Isaac starts his cute whimpers! 'Ngh… A-Ah… No…'"

"…Wow, she's really into it."

"And then Felix says, 'See? Feels good already, huh?'"

"I'm having difficulty seeing this… Ow! Damn it all, does your fan arm have a mind of its own?!"

"'N-No… It doesn't- Ngh… Ah…' Ooh… Isaac, you're so cute when you try to keep your voice in… Ehehe…"

"………"

"Ehehe… And then… And then…"

"….Sh-Sheba…? You're turning really red…"

"And then..."

"...Sheba...?"

"......"

"Sheba, are you ok- OH GODS!"

"Ivan! What's wrong?!"

"Isaac! Oh, thank Jupiter! Gimme a hand!"

"What's with all the blood? What happened to Sheba?!"

"She had an explosive nosebleed! Get her to a medic! No, to Mia!"

"An explosive nosebleed?! What?! Why?!"

"……"

"…Ivan? Why did she- OW! Where did you get that paper fan?!"

"Don't worry about the little details! Now get going!"

_Besides… you probably don't want to know…_

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The end! If you've made it this far with a few brain cells left, please give me some feedback! Hell, if it sucked, I wanna hear it. XD My excuse remains, but if it wasn't funny, let me know, if it was, I'd like to know too!

Anyway, thanks very much for reading this far! ^_^


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